This SAVED my life. . . .

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I’m up this morning and for some reason I am heavy with tears. I opened my closet door and went through a big plastic storage bin I have to look for my Boys & Girls original club card from 15 years ago because our reunion is Saturday and I look at this. . .my Brother ZX-1900 Word Processor! THIS SAVED MY LIFE. . .literally. When I discovered that I can write, that my feelings didn’t have to stay boggled up inside and I CAN vent. . . my suicidal urges disappeared.

My fingers touched the letters and I begin to type out so much. . . .amazing stories that related to my life that I had no idea was inside of me. I became a CREATOR and the more I created the better my life got. I struggled with depression and suicidal urges well into my early 20’s but there was always a force holding me back from taking that final fatal slit, there was always something more and it was my will to write.

Writing is my destiny. . .I know it now because nothing saves my soul and makes it happier than when I sit down and begin to write. My mind creates images and characters and stories of people who are not real in a sense but go through real events like I did. I am proud of my writings and it’s okay that I’m crying as I type this because it’s happy tears. I get to go back to my Boys & Girls Club reunion and look at those who I grew up around and hug and laugh with them — I am still here, I am still alive and I wouldn’t be here if not for this thing right. . . my guardian. So much of my youth was spent laughing and joking at the Boys & Girls Club. I learned to express myself and my talents there and with this word processor I became somebody to myself. It still works. . . but I keep it as a momentum of my past and what I have overcome. When I look at this I see my life. . .I imagine the words flowing my mind onto my fingers onto this word processor.

I am crying so hard and clutching my heart because I see how far my pain took me. I am so thankful to be here today, to be alive and taking care of my son who gave me more life that I thought I could ever have.

Oh where would I be without my creativity.

KUDOS

-MO

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EYEWEAR……

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I’ve been wearing more eyewear now especially since I shaved my head. They add a bit more style to a bland look. It’s funny because I got contacts to not wear glasses and now I wear fake stylish glasses with my contacts.

These in the photo are from Ragstock (which has an incredible cheap and stylish selection $5), The Icing (which also had a nice not so cheap [for faux] glasses) but still worth checking out. Forever21 Sunglasses mostly.

I LOVE them all. It’s so fun to wear a funky pair of glasses with your outfit.

Do you wear any?
Favorites?
Let me know.  . .

Kudos
-Mo

Below are me in the eyewear…. the last photo is of my actual prescription glasses.

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And these are my actual prescription glasses

Holy Hell This Stinks…..

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Edited with #aviary > http://avry.co
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I have never smelled anything so brutally bad for a lotion. I put it on my hands at work an hour ago and I have a migraine now at home.  I’ve washed my hands and the smell is still there.  I can’t believe how absolutely horrible this smells. I like Shea Moisture products but whatever is in this particular formula should be burned at never ever again created I’ve any form.

You guys I am so angry…..I am very sensitive to strong smells so much so that I get migraines from it and I can’t believe that I’m sitting here dealing with this. Granted is my fault. I left my scent free lotion at home and used my co-workers at work. I saw it was Shea Moisture and assumed it was good but boy was I wrong.

All I CAN say is smell it first and smell it good.

I’m about to Black African soap my hands to high hell.  Let’s hope this smell goes away.

Kudos

THIS FEELS GOOOOOD!

Last night I took clippers to the dome and shaved all my hair off. One friend asked if I was going through a mid-life crisis…..lol…no I’m not.  No crisis here I just needed to start over.  My hair was so damaged and I was so obsessed with holding onto it because unfortunately, I am my hair.  It owns me. My hair made me feel pretty.  Without it, I feel ugly…. even in this picture but I need to get over that ideology that my hair is me. It isn’t and I needed to prove to myself that IT’S not something that should control my life. I couldn’t exercise because I sweat so much and my hair instantly poofs up and all the work that went into a hairstyle was moot!!

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And so here it begins. 
It felt so good to take a shower and fell the water on my scalp….men….I know the feeling now lol. I have a weave in now because I’m waiting for 3 weeks until new growth comes in and I can go and get my hair lined.  I knew the steps I would take but I didn’t plan a day and so this kept being prolonged. I can’t wait for the 3 weeks to pass so I can put the weave away for good.

Why cut it then put on fake hair?

This was the plan and I have a scar on my scalp from when I was dropped ob my head as a baby….I don’t like it. I want enough hair to cover it up or make it not stand out so much. 

What amazes me is my maturity with my hair.  5 years ago I would have cried…. wait I did cry to my stylist about my hair. Last night,  I shedded not one tear. I smiled and that get good to no longer be so attached to my hair that I cry.

Today is a good day!

KUDOS
♡Mo